Next time you consider how difficult your marriage is, how little time you have to share and how it is filled with arguments and animosity, remember you aren’t alone.

Barack and Michelle Obama went through the same thing.

But if the baby is just fussy, try some of these methods out.

How do parents unwittingly encourage kids to lie?

AM: A lot of the time, you as a parent already know that your kid has done something wrong. When you say “Did you ditch school?” you’re setting him up to say, “No, I didn’t.” And then you get angry that he lied and ditched.

PM: Setting them up is one way. Another is parents telling white lies in front of their kids, who aren’t able to distinguish between lies and white lies until they’re at least 7 or 8. The third way is kids hearing constantly “don’t tattle, don’t tell.” But at some point, when a child’s friend might be doing something dangerous, the parents say, “Why didn’t you tell me? You lied to me by not telling me.” There’s a real tradeoff here, because we do want kids to try to work things out on their own before they come to a grownup and complain. But the science says that largely they do [already].

Day 1 – You don’t know what love is until you watch your child being born – I know that I love God, my family and friends, and people in general, but watching the birth of my son gave me a knew feeling. Like a feeling that I could never be disappointed in him, never be dismayed by his actions or convinced that he was less than perfect. And it made the love for my wife stronger than before, because she gave him to me.  I don’t know if people can have unconditional love, but I know I’m probably the closest person on Earth to having it.

Day 2 – There really is a new baby smell – and a lack thereof - New babies smell fresh, which is something I thought they just made up for television shows and detergent commercials. Also – and this is important for new fathers – condition yourself to check your baby’s diaper. Their bathroom breaks in the first day or so don’t smell, so you’ll be sitting there watching him squirm and not realize that there is carnage nearby.

Day 3 – The baby is what you eat – The nurse at the hospital told us that we might have to watch my wife’s diet to see how the baby reacts. What she eats gets in her breast milk, and into the baby. So far, we’ve learned that dairy product are a BIG no-no. He was up most of the night yelling and squirming to relieve himself of gas brought on by cheese and milk.

Day 4 – There is no rest for the weary father - The baby is like a human clock. Every 2-3 hours, our son wakes up for food, diaper changing and a period to calm down. I hear that it gets better as months go along, but so far, I’m averaging about 4 hours of sleep every night.

Day 5 – The baby learns quickly – So far, our child knows when his mother is nearby. He will turn toward her voice, and sometimes her smell if she’s close enough. He hasn’t really learned my voice, but he does enjoy crawling all over me. It is the one thing in the world I will publicly refer to as ‘cute.’

We know that are life is soon to change in a dramatic way. And based on the emails, text and phone calls we’ve received, the change will be wonderful with the exception of sleep deprivation. His nickname is June, short for Junior, and all of my days going forward are going to have a focus with him in mind.

Until this point, my family life generally revolved around just two people – my wife and myself. Now, our lives in tandem will circle the son – 365 days a year. Where we go out to eat will be determined by how baby friendly a place is. Where we travel and the distances we cross will be moderated by the temperament and health of our child.

And the way we interact with each other, the jokes we tell, the language we use, the arguments we engage in, will all have to be changed for the proper growth of our son. While we have made great strides in our relationship, working to make it the beautiful thing that resulted in his creation, we now have to redefine this beautiful thing. Even in its attractiveness, there are spots and blemishes in it that children should not have to wear.

So, our lives are soon to become a glorious succession of June 1st’s. All day everyday, we have to work for our son to be happy, healthy and a lot better person than we are soon to become.

In other words, you are a master craftsman at your relationship. And everyday, you should think of yourself as such.

Think about how your words, your body language, your actions and your reactions help or harm your marriage. And consider what situations prompt you to pull out specific tools. Do you yell when you are upset? Are you dismissive when you feel unheard?

Do you angrily disclose your feelings? Are you passively-aggressive in saying things are okay when they aren’t?

Every interaction calls for a specific tool to be used. You wouldn’t take a hammer to a screw, and you would take a wrench to drill a hole. You have to be considerate of what scenarios call for what response, and sometimes, you have to use these tools correctly even when your partner is using theirs incorrectly.

If your spouse is a yeller, consider talking matching their bluster with calm and serenity. You’d be surprise how you can diffuse a loud situation with a calm expression and soft words of understanding and comfort. Ex. – “Baby, I’m sorry that you’re upset like this, and I hate to see you upset like this. Let me know what I’m missing in this conversation that you want me to get, and I know you’ll do the same for me. I know we care enough to start over and do this thing right for each other.”

If your partner likes to be passive-aggressive (which I tend to be), throw the curveball at them (which my wife has mastered to break me out of passive-aggressiveness). Ex. – “Honey, it looks like you need some time to chill and really help me understand what you’re thinking and feeling. And I’m glad that you want me to have the best of you, even when we disagree. I’d like to finish talking this out with you, but if you need some space, I’ll be here.”

The difficulty in this is when people don’t want to come across as docile or submissive, but the truth is that you have more power in negotiating than fighting. You can use a huge screwdriver for a small screw and take forever, or you can reach for the smaller tool, and get the job done faster.

To be a master craftsman at marriage, you have to learn the tools that you have, and practice using them appropriately. We all have our strategies to achieve what we want from our spouses; some good and some bad. But if you learn how your actions and reaction influence your spouse, and commit to being a better relationship builder, you can start a dream house of a partnership from this moment on.

In the months leading up to this point, most of the conversation between my wife and I has been about preparation. How are we going to appoint the baby’s room? Will I get a job closer to home? Will we make enough money for the baby to be okay?

Glory be to God, all of those things have been taken care of. Now, the talk is reduced to a few comments here and there about being part-excited, part-scared about what is to come.

My wife is really anxious about what kind of pain she will be in. I’m anxious about if I’ll be a good coach in the delivery room. She’s anxious about how people at church will react, I’m anxious about bringing the baby outside in cold weather.

Both of us are talking to fill the space that will soon be occupied by crying and testaments of love for a child. But at this point, neither of us is saying much. The nervousness is creating a need for us to say something, if for no other reason than to show each other that we are trying to be bold about what’s coming.

But the most interesting part of our family dynamic, is the boldness of the child. The baby kicks without ceasing. I put my hand on my wife’s belly every night and am amazed at how interactive our baby is. I press with a finger, the baby presses at the same point with a foot or hand or whatever is there at the time. I move my hand across her belly, the baby moves to where my palm is.

My wife and I have been reserved in our words, but are trying to talk each other into a comfort zone. And the person we’ve been waiting for, the one who has us totally nervous and out of sorts, has the most to say.

In a special language we are so anxious to hear and see more of.

But as I moved up in age, the time around my immediate family became less frequent and the names became a little more distant. ‘Baby’ and ’sweetheart’ became the regular rotation.

I still go by each of these names, but now I’m focusing on the two names I like best. ‘Husband’ and soon, ‘Daddy.’

Two things that make this critical to me in the next 25 days when the baby is supposed to arrive. A pretty emotional argument last night with my wife led to me doing some research today. Half soul-searching, a quarter curiosity, and a quarter effort to waste my lunch break at work. I looked up some stuff on ADHD; not spurred by an emotional jab placed by my wife during our argument, but out of some well-meaning questions that she has long been searching to answer.

“Why is it so hard for you to listen?”

“I don’t understand why it seems so difficult for you remember the things we need to have done around the house.”

We have long been brawling about my lack of intuition and care when it comes to household chores. It’s not that I’m lazy, but I can be easily distracted. By television, by phone calls, by anything not household chores related. But last night was different; maybe it was her hormones, maybe it was the beer I was drinking. But last night, for the first time, I felt her pain.

I felt how painful it would have been for her to birth a child and try to balance the baby with a fully-grown functioning baby for a spouse. I could hear the anguish she was feeling, the threat of loneliness in household maintenance while shouldering the great burden of pregnancy. I could visualize that, five or ten years down the road, this was something that could significantly impact our marriage.

So I managed to convince her that I was sincere in my apologies, and diligent in my pledge to change. I’d always been sincere and diligent, but would always manage to slip back into the same kind of behavior.

So today, I Googled my bad habits. Easily distracted. Lack of attention to detail. Trouble listening. Bouncing between tasks and assignments.

And this is what I came up with.

Yeah, not something you want to find that you may be struggling with as a 28-year-old man.

So now I have to redefine what my names mean to me. They now mean making lists. Being cognizant of distractions and removing them before getting started on a task. I haven’t seen a doctor yet, but considering that these are very real obstacles to living a healthy and happy life, and traits that may pass on to my child in spite of the anal retentive genes the child will inherit from its mother, it’s something I gotta throw in the bag real quick.

Husband and Daddy. Obviously, you can’t have two more important names in this lifetime. So I can’t make up my mind about if I’m relieved to find out that I may have ADHD, or if I should be more nervous about what my child and wife may have to put up with out of scatterbrained dad?

Either way, these are names I wasn’t born into. These are names I took on. And if it takes post-it notes, pop up messages on my Blackberry, and a slew of reminders and motivational phrases, I have to wear these names well from now on.

A baby is a living testament of love and commitment, not the ugly thing the Maury Show has made it out to be. So if you are like me, having a baby that is, you may be considering all of the ancillary fears surrounding what could and should be the greatest thing to ever happen in life.

And with this testament comes a lot of fear and self-assessment. Do you have enough health care? Have you saved enough money? Is your house safe enough? Will you be a good father?

Throughout my adulthood, I always knew that I wanted to have children. But I never guessed that having a baby would be such an anxiety-producer. Can’t sleep, can’t think straight, and am consumed with work and the money I can bring in. If I wanted my life to be like R. Kelly’s, I would’ve stayed single.

In the meantime, I have surprised myself with the outward appearance I give the world. I’m all smiles and confidence when people congratulate me on the baby. I constantly am reminded of how tired I’ll be when the baby gets here, how much fun it will be, and how joyful it is. And I believe all of that, but I also believe that this will be the most responsibility I’ve ever had in my life.

And it’s not a level of responsibility I can prepare for.

My life has been an exercise in flying by the seat of my pants, going with my instincts and praying for the best. But since I’ve been married, I’ve learned the value in preparation, focus and emotional work ethic. I can’t even classify this as fear, much more a searing uncertainty.

I’m sure I’ll be as fit for parenthood as I’ve been for any other role I’ve assumed in my life, but this will be the first time where someone else’s success or failure is so intimately tied with my own.