The gifts love language means that a woman (or man) hears "I love you" when someone gives them a gift.  The cost or size of the gift is not important, rather it really is the thought that makes the receiver feel loved. On the other hand, if your bride is difficult to please when it comes to gifts, then her love language is not gifts - regardless of what she may say or think.

Repeat every couple of months.

I agree completely, there really is no middle ground, we either give or we take.  Sure, we all have bad days, or times when we are just too busy to do what we want, but over time we are either givers or takers in each relationship we have. Some take from everyone, some give to everyone, many do some of each with different people.  Those who do some of both are probably doing it based on how much they value certain individuals, or how much power they have over them, or maybe just what they think they can get away with.

So, on the whole, do you breathe life into your bride, or do you suck the life out of her? If you do more sucking than breathing, why? Does she have low value in your estimation? Is it about your power over her? Or, maybe you know she will put up with it?

Be a breather, not a sucker!

Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:

Happy one year Stu! My friend Stu, over at The Marry Blogger, celebrated his first full year of blogging. Stu does good work, as shown by the fact his posts regularly show up in my Sunday links.
Winning an Olympic Gold in my Marriage!: Winning at your marriage take a lot of effort. Links to other great posts.

Are YOU on Your To-Do List?: An excellent guest post from Susan of The Confident Mom. Is your bride killing herself in the name of "sacrificing yourself"?

Angry Husbands Produce Depressed Wives: MarriedLife has a few notes on a recent study.  If your bride is depressed, you better check yourself for anger.

Sadly, many guys think they have to lie about what they want, think and feel sexually. They are convinced their bride would have a fit if she knew what's really going on in their head. I'm not just talking about the fellows whose minds have been deeply polluted by porn - a lot of guys just don't think their wife could deal with knowing they want sex more than twice a week, or that they want to do it with the lights on.

Thing is, women are very perceptive, and if your thoughts and actions are not the same, odds are she knows something is wrong.  She knows something is off, but not what - and that opens the door for her to imagine all kinds of things. For most guys, the truth is better than what she is imagining, or worrying about.

Ultimately neither of you will be happy or stratified until your actions and thoughts line up closely. The two ways to make that happen are to communicate what you think, feel and want, or work on changing desires you know are wrong - or at least wrong for the two of you.

I have noticed, both in myself and in others, that we tend to withhold touch when we are upset or stressed - when, for example, we are in conflict with our spouse. Maybe it's a way of showing our displeasure, maybe it's punishment, maybe it's just self protection. Regardless of why we do it, the result is counter-productive to building a good strong marriage.  Touch helps to calm us.  Touch makes us feel trust, and trust connects us. When we are at odds, we need those things.

All of this reminds me of advice I once heard for couples - when you fight (have an argument) do it holding hands.  Not an easy task - holding hands with someone you are upset with. Holding hands goes against our desire to assert ourselves, to protect our own interests, to get our way.  On the other hand, is your goal if to bless your bride, and be a better husband, that all sounds good.

Last fall when I went to convert our gas dryer to propane (something I have done several times before), I managed to break a part that was going to have to be special ordered.  That is where I stopped – I didn't order the part, or do anything else to get a working dryer. So, for months we have taken our laundry 15 minutes down the road to a laundry mat.  I've done my share of laundry trips, but that hardly makes up for the major inconvenience, waste of time, and the money it costs to do laundry that way.

On Valentine's Day I told my wife her gift would be a dryer.  Yes, I know this is practicing something I preach not to do, but my bride is one of those uber-practical gals who thinks a dryer is a great gift any time. On our second trip looking, we found something she liked at a used appliance place.  My son and I picked it up the next day. I figured what I needed to run wire for it (went with electric) and yesterday we got it all installed.

The really sad thing is why it took me so long to get this done.  Yes, the part for the old dryer cost more than the dryer was worth, and yes I've been working way too many hours for months, and yes money has been tight.  However, none of those is why the old, broken dryer sat in the laundry room for so long, and none of those would have prevented me from getting a working dryer months ago had I chosen to do it.  And there is the truth, I choose not to do it.

Why did I choose not to do it?  The best word for it is that I was overwhelmed.  I put a lot of time and effort (and pride?) into getting the old one changed to propane, and when that failed it made me feel overwhelmed about getting the job done. So, I just pushed it away and left it - without taking into account what my choice was costing my dear bride.

No doubt being overwhelmed is a natural thing - some things are just so emotionally difficult we don’t want to deal with them.  I doubt bailing out on things is ever good, but when it hurts someone else it's a real problem that needs to be dealt with ASAP.